Tuesday, April 12, 2011

J is for Judge not

Looking back at the way i was,i know i have actually grown.I have grown alot and as a result,my perception of life has changed a great deal.A few years ago,i was ready and willing to give answers to questions about life with a few minutes of thought.But now,growth has taught me not to do that.

You see,life is a very complicated thing.Situations are sometimes so complicated that what you think is the answer to a question is indeed not the answer.Lots of times when people are faced with challenges,we just give what we'd do had we been in their shoes,lots of times we actually give the opposite of what we'd actually do if faced with the same situation.When you're faced with a situation,that's when it gets clear,but if someone else is faced with it,it isn't very clear to you.Lemme give you an instance on a personal note.My ex's Mom collected her bride price without her knowledge nor consent and that made her traditionally married (totally married in the Nigerian context).If you had asked me years ago if i'd have anything to do with a woman who is traditionally married,i'd have cursed and cursed and sworn to tell you i'd never attempt it.But when really faced with the situation,i actually not only had something with her but slept with her after the traditional marriage we both didn't know about.Yes,it happened after we got to know she had been traditionally given out in marriage...Don't judge me!

What brought about this post was the conversation i had with a friend a few day back.She asked a very complicated question,"A couple who couldn't bear children were robbed,the wife was raped and got pregnant in the process.If you were in the husband's shoes,what would be your decision? Would you tell her to keep the pregnancy since you've not been able to bear children or would you ask her to abort it? If she says she wants to keep the pregnancy,would it destroy your marriage?".My response was "I can't say anything right now because i'm not in the position to.I can say something else now and do something else if i'm in his shoes because this is a very sensitive issue".The best person to take a decision is the one faced with the situation.This brings us to the reason why i don't judge people and their actions,or at least i try as much not to judge.Things are different from outside than they are from inside.If you're not hurt,you won't know how pain feels.If you've not been in a situation before,don't be too hasty in concluding because you might do exactly what they're doing or maybe differently when you are in the situation.Have a nice day my very own people!


  1. I used to be very quick at proffering solutions to issues, telling myself my response 'is the logical thing to do'. However after reading a few of Ibhade's posts and recently thinking abt some of my actions/reactions in the face of a failed/failing relationship, i've learnt that you really dont know where the shoe hurts until u've the corn right there on ur baby toe!

  2. Great writing! love reading!



  3. P.E.T Project-You so got what i was trying to pass across.

    J'Adore Fashion-Thanks alot and thanks for stopping by.

  4. well said "Things are different from outside than they are from inside"...i'm learning to accept that daily and be slow to speak

  5. love your words of wisdom.
    well done.

  6. lol, u know u have to move on from ur ex right? i feel like i know her life history lol :p
    and i totally concur bout not jumping to conclusions.

  7. This is a word of wisdom indeed. I also try not to answer such complicated life questions glibly. You never know how you'll react till you're in the situation.

  8. Me too oh, i used to say i'd never do this and that. But i've seen that you can't make any decisions until you're in the matter!

    I love how you're taking this alphabet project thingy :D


  9. OMG...will wonders never cease. Finally a post that i have absolutely no opposition to. Yay! lol

  10. You sure do talk about your Ex alot...

    Tis true tho'...its easy to 'judge' when you haven't walked a mile in the persons shoes.

  11. We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation; it is one thing to feel that you are on the right path but it's another to think that yours is the only path

    ~Paulo Coelho~

  12. Ms Yellow Sisi Unspoken-You're learning well.

    Jingle-Thanks alot and thanks for stopping by.

    Kitkat-Haven't i gotten over her?

    Myne Whitman-Thanks Myne,and you're so on point.

    The Corner Shop-I'm challenging myself Adiya.

    LadyNgo-If only exclaiming yay! won't sound gay,i'd have exclaimed too...hehehehe.Wonders will never cease o!

    Anonymous-My ex and i had a history.When will we be graced with your name? Thanks alot though.

    Okeoghene-Rightly said,thanks for stopping by again.