Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Ex that just won't let me be

I told you the story about my ex who got married to a guy because she feels it's the best thing to do,thereby sacrificing our relationship.Well,i had accepted my fate and moved on with her in my past and sincerely i expected her to do thesame.I mean,she was the one who sacrificed 'us',right? With my head deep in work yesterday,i was trying very hard to do nothing...hehehehehehe.Sometimes i just sit and surf the net,because i don't have any task to execute and yesterday was one of such times.Anyways,i was busy doing nothing and my phone beeped,i checked to find an sms from my ex.Meanwhile,i was hoping she had forgotten about me,which is what i wanted.But apparently she hasn't,even though some weeks back i sent her a very terrible sms just in a bid to get her off my back because she won't just leave me the hell alone.

However,even after all that transpired,i still wasn't mad at her.I wasn't angry about the fact that she decided she wanted to choose her family over me,i was even making excuses for her which some of my friends said i did because i was blinded by love.But i started getting very pissed slowly,slowly,slowly...with each sms she sent begging me to stay with her even though she's in another man's house.With each sms she sent telling me she loved me and can't live without me.With each calls she put across to me,even though i don't pick them.I just get slowly mad at her.I mean,i was trying to count my losses,i was trying to work out modalities on how to move on with my life and not end up being a horrible person,and there she was trying to make that impossible for me.Slowly,i think i started hating her.I mean,she's there in another man's house as his wife and she's begging me to still be with her,does that sound human? What the hell did she take me for? She of all people knew i have things i don't do no matter what,though i don't call them principles.Granted,we slept together once after she moved in with the guy,but that was because i was messed up,couldn't think not to talk of think straight.I even had a friend of mine who did my thinking for me that period,no kidding! If i wanted to take a step,i ran it by her,if anything comes up,i ask her what she step i should take,it was that bad.But when i was able to put my self together,i fixed my head and started thinking for myself again and that was when i decided it wasn't going to continue.That was when i put a final stop to all the madness.She was the one that messed everything up,she should have considered the fact that i won't be there forever and thus be ready to move on anytime i decide i wanted out,why the hell isn't she moving on then? I guess some people are just out-rightly wicked,or what do you think? There are consequences for actions,if people know this,why do they do things and tend to want to avoid the consequences? Beats me really!

Anyways,back to the sms.She said she was tired of the silence that i should please talk to her.Like i usually do,i didn't even bother to respond to the sms.But that sms further increased the resentment i have towards her.It just gave me the feelings that she never even cared about my well-being even though she almost crushed me.All she had been concerned about was herself.Well,that isn't any of my business,all i want is that she should just leave me the hell alone,is that too big a thing to ask?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Be that change

I was talking with someone a few days back as regards our great country and the person expressed reasons why he feels Nigerian isn't going to get better.Amongst the reasons he gave was; our leaders are currupt and our youths are even more corrupt.This is true,but he failed to understand that inasmuchas there are a huge number of youths who are corrupt,there also are a very great deal of youths who are credible.We've seen alot in this great country of ours,enough that can make a grown man cry.We've seen atrocities being committed with the culprits going free.We've been deceived,we've been lied to,we've been bullied and a whole lot more.But this isn't where it stops,surely there's an end and i don't mean this from just religious point of view.

I'm sure you've come across very corrupt people who make you feel very bad,but think about this; haven't you also come across Nigerians who make you very proud to be a Nigerian? Well,if you haven't,i have.Alot of them are popular,alot of them are not,but they are very great minds.Matter of fact,i am one of those great minds,the question is are you? We all want a very lovely Nigeria,i'm sure you have picture of your dream Nigeria.Well,it can change from a dream or picture to reality,but that won't happen with you complaining about the leaders we have.It can only happen with you doing your own bit,no matter how small.I have learnt to stop complaining even though i know things are not working right now because i know complaining isn't going solve nothing.I am determined to make a mark,it won't be a bad idea if you can also do thesame.Imagine if you want to make a mark,the next person to you wants to make a mark and so on,we'd have what we crave,what we desire.Have a very nice day people.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Only chickens get scared of love

Hope you all had a nice weekend like i did? This week has started and it's going well so far for me and i hope it is so for you also? The title of this post is catchy right? I thought so too! Anyways,i heard and read lots of rubbish about love these few months and believe me,my belle don full! Wetin sef,ah ahn,na only love dey this life wey na only am we dey hear and talk about most times?! Hehehehehe...Don't mind me jare,i'm just kidding.Love is very important and that's the reason it has such 'hype' and publicity and all that.Now,more into the main aim of this post.

I've seen lots of people get very scared of love and each time they say they're just trying to take precautions.More amazing are the guys who were meant to be the stronger ones (at least we always claim macho in everything we engage in) are also very scared of love.You know players are just scared of love and what follows,don't you? If you don't know,then you need to come to my school lemme teach you one or two things...hehehehe (see me wey dey talk,wetin i sabi?).But on the real now,the reason why people don't keep relationships or simply keep very casual ones is because they are scared of love and what accompanies it.Love comes with many things; attention,commitment,sacrifice,compromise and the likes.For you to really be in love and be loved in return,you have to embrace these things.Some people are so into themselves that they don't actually know the first thing about any of these things.However,they get scared of the other very important thing also,HEARTBREAK! Do i blame them? Hell yeah! So what? People fall in love and give their all and end up getting hurt,does that mean it happens to everybody? I mean,people die everyday,don't they? Does that mean you should just stop living because those who tried died eventually? I said it before,i think,that bad stuffs happen doesn't mean good stuffs don't.The fact that we have bad people in this world doesn't mean we don't have good people.Anyways,it's alright to be scared,it really is if you're a CHICKEN,yeah i said it,CHICKEN! Because you're scared of being hurt you deny yourself that very awesome feeling called love? Damn,you need to get your head examined.Geez,just who the hell i'm i talking to sef? Hehehehehehe. Make una no mind me o,but i know lots of people who made me decide to make this post.They are just so withdrawn,so away,so scared.

However,love isn't bad at all,it only gets very painful when it goes sour,and it really does go sour.But,many a people have enjoyed love and they celebrate it years and years later.It is the best thing you can have and give also.When it goes sour,terrible things happen,cigarette smoking,beer drinking,woman nizing (i separated that on purpose o),tears giving,scream shouting (mehn,i killed English)...But the fact that the battle field is a terrible place doesn't stop brave men from going into them,and they mostly emerge victorious.It is true,you should be scared of love because it isn't for everybody,it is only for the strong and brave hearted,not for chickens! Abeg,i don talk finish jare...hehehehehehe.Have a very nice day people.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Even heartbreak isn't excuse enough

For those of you who followed my story Happily never after,i only let you in on just a little of the pain i went through.Life was really hell those periods and even my looks realized it.That was as much of a problem to me as what i became.I transformed into the opposite of what i was and what makes it worse was that i was considered a very good person,but that wasn't who i really was at that time,on the contrary,i was a terrible person.

Like i mentioned in the series Happily never after,the last six months of my one year relationship with my ex were hell and very heart wrenching.However,by December of last year,2010,i started making moves towards moving on.I needed to forget the person who had become my world,the person who made it impossible for me to see another woman.And to do this,i decided to start dating again,but only that i didn't date one person.I started with one though,then move up to two,then ain't me,i kept on telling myself,but i was still doing it.I hurt most of these people all because i lost someone and was heartbroken,but that wasn't a good reason.That isn't reason enough to be as heartless as i became and i realized this soon enough though.I started letting them off my hook and left just one and now i can almost say i'm back (my mind still wanders back a whole lot).

I've seen heartbreaks cause serious disasters.I've also witnessed people get heartbroken and  take it out on other people.I once told a story about my friend in Men are dogs but women are bitches who got heartbroken and took a course way worse than the one i took.Right now,he doesn't even trust any gurl,he feels every gurl is a heartbreaker,he even doesn't like me being in a serious relationship because he feels i'll end up heartbroken.I've also witnessed gurls date random men all because they feel no man is trust-worthy.

Furthermore,people engage in other not-so-cool things all because of a heartbreak.For instance,i know gurls who turned lesbians because they got heartbroken a couple of times.I also know of guys who take in more alcohol than a tree close to a river takes in water and also smoke more cigarettes that even a chimney would get jealous of the smoke.The list of outrageous things people do when heartbroken is just so endless and disheartening.

However,even heartbreak isn't reason enough for all these outrageous indulgence so suck it up people.I ain't saying this as a saint,i mean i told you my story and confessed how i started doing terrible stuffs,but i'm saying this as one who has analyzed the issue critically and come to the understanding that it just isn't worth it.Why kill yourself over someone who's happy with his/her life by drinking to hurt yourself and smoking to kill your lungs? I mean,why disrespect your body over a guy who's having fun with a gurl he obviously likes better or a few gurls? Really,is it worth it? Here's the simple and blatant truth about this; Nobody is worth your tears or heartaches! QED! Yeah,no guy or gurl is worth the tears you have running down your cheeks.No guy or gurl is worth the harming of yourself so once again,suck it all up! I'm tired of hearing guys are liars or gurls are not trustworthy,well have you no idea it's all a circle? A guy breaks a gurl's heart,she gets so mad she starts dating random guys and one of those guys who genuinely loves her gets to find out she's cheating then leaves heartbroken and then believes gurls are not trustworthy and then starts dating random gurls among which is one who genuinely loves him but realizes he has chains of gurls and leaves heartbroken and does the randon dating thingy.Ain't that an effing circle?! Abeg abeg abeg,make we talk something more serious jare,i don talk my own finish!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Happily never after (grand finale)

She confessed to me that she didn't love him but was only there because she felt she had no choice.She felt no one would want her with her baby in toll and so when the guy came she just accepted.Well,i had no problem with her calling off their relationship because i already had made up my mind that if she agrees,i'd get married to her,i mean i loved her that much.Sometime later,i received an sms from the guy;

"Hi,my name is John,i'm sure you must have heard about me from Gail.She's my fiance and i love her very much,stay away from her."

I didn't reply the sms,but told Gail about it when we spoke later that day.She apologized and of course i didn't get mad because to me he was just a big baby.I mean,why even think of establishing any form of contact with me? I didn't hold a gun to her head to be with me,neither was she a baby,so why bother with me?
 We continued living our lives until one certain day i called her and someone else,a guy,picked up the phone;

Me: Hello
"Hello" in a guys's voice
Me: Please i'd like to speak with Gail
The Guy: Gail's not here,did you get my sms?
Me: Yes i did
The Guy: Good,stay away from her because she's my fiance
Me: I've heard you

And i hung up the phone.Later Gail and i spoke and i recounted the call and again she tendered her apologies.We continued living our lives again and then she realized she was being tailed.Someone was following her but she couldn't tell who,but all she could tell was that her 'fiance' would call her and tell her what she's putting on and sometimes even ask her to go back and change.Meanwhile,he was based in Lagos so couldn't have seen her even if he were a prophet.We started being quite careful,but i kept on reassuring her telling her we shouldn't be too careful because he should know better than to try anything stupid.Things kept on like that till she had to go for service and her service location was Lagos,thanks to her 'finace' who made sure of that.I was extremely bitter about it,she was too but couldn't do anything about it because her family was on his side.While she was getting set to leave camp,she got an unpleasant news from her mother.Her mother told her that her bride price had been paid and so as she's coming back to Lagos,she should get set to go stay at her husbands house.When the news reached me,i almost had a stroke.What the hell? My angel? Married? I almost lost it,but i remained positive (i am and would ever be an optimist) and still stuck in there.I became very curious and asked why her family were being that nice to the John's family regardless of her own feelings,then she told me they were indebted to the John's family.Apparently her dad and the John's were involved in a deal that went sour and that put her dad in debt of millions of naira.He was paying till her died and his wife continued but couldn't anymore when it got to sixty three million naira and so they wrote an agreement that the favorite daughter in Gails family marries the favorite son in John's family,you do the math.I didn't know what to do,i didn't have sixty three million,not even if i sold my elder brother (just kidding...hehehehehe)

Well,day came when she had to leave camp,she was very sad and even though i was also,i tried to make her feel better with encouraging words.She got home and immediately her mother told her to go to her 'husbands' house.She pleaded and pleaded but they landed on deaf ears.She had to go that night but called a friend of hers to go with her.That night was the beginning of my nightmares! I couldn't sleep,even though i had to go to work the next day.I tossed and turn with very horrible thoughts in my head.By a great miracle,morning came and i rushed to work.A little while after that,she went back to her mother's house,but not for long.Her mother this time told her she had to move in completely into her 'husband's' house and actually left her no choice (at least that was what she said).She called me as usual to break the horrible news,i begged and begged and gave reasons and gave reasons,but she told me her hands where tied and so she had to.I even cried at some point (common,men cry too),but...nothing.She went to her 'husband's' house and that night marked the beginning of many months of sleepless nights,literally.Even though i was already traumatized,my phone beeped and when i looked at it,it was an sms from a number that wasn't on my phone,it was a three-page sms and it read;

"I just did something i never believed i'd ever do,thanks to you.I know she's planning to divorce me after our marriage because of you,but that ain't going to happen because my seed is growing in her,something you couldn't do".

I wasn't able to sleep earlier before the sms,and after it sleep didn't seem to be something i knew how to do.That was when the pain in my chest started."OMG! She's been raped! She's been raped by the fool!" i just kept thinking.The first of horror nights finished and in the morning i asked her what happened and after intense convincing,she eventually told me that he came into her room while she was in the bathroom and had his way.It was so easy for him because she was already naked and there was no need to struggle with clothes and all.From that night,i became something i didn't understand.My beards grew and i didn't care,i became very close to God (don't judge me!).I went to church regularly,read my bible always,prayed always,fasted for two weeks,all to just avert the doom,but nothing happened.At a point i got so fed up,lost so much weight because food became an ordeal,sleep...well,i didn't know there was something like that for a long time.My colleagues got worried because i stopped talking or smiling.Stopped calling and stopped picking my calls,except hers.Her husband obviously wasn't enjoying his so called marriage and he resorted to threats.He threatened to hurt me severally,but i was too stubborn to listen to a weakling.He even gave my office address to one of his thugs and also my number.But all that were too minor to deter me.Then my health became so threatening that i felt i might get severely hurt or even die and so i called her one fateful day and ended the relationship.But i couldn't stay away,and she also wouldn't let me be,so we got back together.Thing went on as usual and we broke up again.We broke up like thrice and then i decided it was enough.I mean,the reason i was holding on was because i felt she was going to change her mind,but she didn't change her mind and so i decided i had to move on with a very heavy heart.The story was a happily never after one for us...But for me? It's gonna be a happily ever after because i've got my whole life ahead of me,it was her loss,not mine!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happily never after (part 3)

Gail came that day looking very simple yet very beautiful.She was dressed in a slightly loose short,a flowery top,a pair of sandals and of course some jewelry that only made her dazzle.The fragrance she had on only did somethings to my senses that even right now i can almost feel.Anyway,she came in and we both sat down very close as usual and started gisting almost immediately.After a while,i stared deep into her eyes,then moved my lips toward hers,she withdrew.In my head i was like "Mehn,wetin be this? Does this gurl know how much i wanna kiss those lips? Does she have any idea how many years i'd dreamt about kissing her?".I tried again,because i didn't want to believe that just happened,but she withdrew again.This time,looking into her eyes,i knew she needed it too but was just playing around,and i also knew it was a matter of time before she gave in.What the heck,i've got all night! I tried again and again she withdrew and i'm like;
"What's the problem?"
"Nothing" she replied with a mischievous smile on her face.
"Iiigh,iight" i said with my own mischievous smile displayed on my face now.
Again,i shifted my head closer,and this time there wasn't any withdrawal.Our lips touched and i swear,my heart stopped beating.Still don't know how i managed to be alive because my heart stopped beating,i stopped breathing,i was just relishing the sweet taste of her lips.Although my eyes were closed,but i was seeing stars shaped in different beautiful shapes,bright and very colorful.After like two minutes of very intense kissing,we broke off from each other.However,my head was still close to hers and i was staring deep into those beautiful eyes.
"I had waited like eight years for that" i said meaning it with every iota of my blood and she just smiled.And before 1+1 could equal 2,my lips were already covering hers.This time,the kisses turned to touching and more touching.Seriously,my hands gained senses of their own,because they moved around her body with so much urgency yet with tenderness that would arouse the envy of feather.Even in my state of oblivion,i could feel her hands all over me too.All of a sudden she pushed me away;
"Stop" she said
"What's the problem?" i asked in my favorite bedroom voice
"We shouldn't do this" she responded
"Why?" i asked almost hitting my head on the wall
"Because i've not done this in like two years" she said
"I don't understand" i said,obviously confused and taken aback
"I'd not done this since i got pregnant with my baby" she said
"Ok,then we shouldn't rush things" i somehow managed to spit from between my lips
"Thank you for understanding" she said
"It ok dear" i said

And so,we just laid there with her in my arms and stayed quiet for a very long while,each of us in our thoughts.But mine was clear to me,i mean i was the 'thinker' wasn't i? I was thinking, "Finally...finally she's mine,at least for now.I can't believe this,i really can't believe this.The gurl i'd loved for so long a time is the same one in my arms,the same one i just finished kissing intensely".After a while,she announced it was time for her to leave.I took her home and while she wanted to walk up the stairs,i gave her a goodnight kiss and watched her climb up the stairs.I got home and our sms chat started.

Me: I just got home now
Gail: Thanks for taking me home
Me: It's ok,you know i enjoy doing that a whole lot
Gail: I can't believe that happened
Me: I can't believe it either,i mean i've been dreaming about it for like eight years now
Gail: So what's going to happen now?
Me: I don't know,but let's just take it one step at a time

After that day,we were always on the phone.I called her like three times daily,sent her like a million sms,that's minus her calls and sms.A few days after then,she came by the house looking beautiful as usual with her radiant smile,and i'm a sucker for beautiful smiles.We gisted a while and then started kissing and smooching.This went on a while and before you know it,we both couldn't hold it and...The rest is history.We made love like two more times after that and those were almost the best love making experiences i'd ever had.We soared to places i barely knew existed together and landed together at some points.Afterward,we talked and laughed and cuddled till it was time for her to leave.As usual,i walked her home and gave her a kiss goodnight and headed back home.Before i could settle down,i received an sms from her;

Gail: We shouldn't have done it,i told you we shouldn't have.Now i feel so helpless cos i want you even more
Me: And what's wrong with that?
Gail: Everything! Now i won't be able to stop and it's going to hurt
Me: Don't think about that yet baby
Gail: I'll try not to

Things went on very smoothly for like six months.Those were almost the best six months of my life.I felt love like i never knew was possible and gave so much love like i never knew i had.My friends got to know about us and most of them weren't surprised.They were generally happy for us.We got so stuck on each other that we just couldn't stay without seeing.

However,things changed when she told the other guy she wanted out of their relationship...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Happily never after (Part 2)

Things changed a great deal between Gail and i in December 2009 (i mixed it up in the last post,it was  December 2009 not 2010).She was with her mother in Lagos for the Christmas holiday while i was in my base,Port Harcourt.Somehow in the middle of the month,we started an sms chat and talked about alot of things.Here are some of the chat i can remember;

Me: You stopped communicating after the last time we saw,why?
Gail: Nothing.
Me: You and i know that's not true.You know what i think?
Gail: What?
Me: I think you saw me and realized you still had feelings for me.
Gail: Ok yes,i had feelings for you and still have feeling for you,but nothing is going to happen.

*At that point,i felt the leaping of my heart for joy*

Me: Why did you say nothing is going to happen?
Gail: I have someone i am supposed to marry and if i attempt to break the engagement both families will kill me.
Me: But why would you marry someone you don't love?
Gail: Sometimes that's how life is,you don't end up marrying the one you love.
Me: Well,i have always had feelings for you and i still am in love with you.
Gail: So what are you going to do?
Me: Well,i'm going to be exceedingly happy,even if it lasts for only a short while.
Gail: How do you mean?
Me: I mean i'm going to risk being with you,even if it last for only a short while cos i'm always very happy with you.
Gail: I'm always happy with you too,but it's better we don't start anything because it'll only cause us pain later.
Me: The happiness being with you brings is going to supersede the pains.
Gail: I don't know about this.
Me: Well i do and i'm willing to take that chance.

We ended our sms chat that day and continued another day and that was when she told me she would be in Port Harcourt by January 2010.Here's a few of the sms we exchanged i can remember;

Me: When are you coming to Port Harcourt?
Gail: Sometime in January.
Me: I really can't wait,i miss you so much.
Gail: I miss you too.

She came towards ending of January.Her flight arrived in the afternoon so she went to see her aunty who stayed quite close to my house then.After a few minutes with her aunty,she called to notify me that she's on her way to see me,i was so excited i could barely sit still.All of a sudden time became so slow,a minute felt more like an hour.I could've sworn at that time that the battery of the clock on the wall was weak.Eventually she called that i should come out to our junction to pick her up,i was already downstairs before she finished talking.I got there and immediately i saw her,i just took her in my arms and held her right there so people could have their eyes full.Eventually we both walked to my place and settled down.Then we generally just talked and caught up on old gists.She had a daughter and when i found out,i stopped talking to her for a few days.So,she used the opportunity to explain how it happened and i apologized for my actions which she gladly accepted.She had to leave after a few hours,which was definitely not enough for both of us,and i walked her home (she also stays in thesame estate as i) to have more time with her.We got to her gate and couldn't stop talking.We talked for close to 30 minutes till her elder sister came out and saw her,then we had to part ways.We fixed an appointment for a few days later.That day came and changed my life!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Poetic Path: My voice is a thunder

My voice is a thunder
It breaks asunder
Those things that keep people under
It reaches the far distances of the earth
It reaches the deepest part of the heart
When I roar
The whole earth shakes from front to rear
I do not make
Make no mistake
But i encourage
I stir up courage
Life is all about me
So it could be about other me
My might is my sight
My sight is always bright
I will walk this path
Not because I worry about my epitaph
The ground will always rumble
Each time I walk like the humble
I am great
And that is not something to debate
My voice is like thunder
It breaks asunder
Those things that put people under
My voice are my actions
It sounds every time because of the reactions
And I have this grace
Because I try to do right in God's face

I got 2 awards...Nice!

I just got two awards...One lovely blog award.

 I want to thank Chizzy K and Kitkat for the awards.And as it's traditional,i have to;
*Link back to the blogger who gave me this award
*Tell you seven facts about me you aren’t aware of
*Pass the award to fifteen recently discovered blogs that I “really” like
*Notify the bloggers of their awards

 So,here's 7 facts you don't know about me;
1.I am a music addict and i'm yet to meet someone who can match my appetite for music.
2.I am the best partner a gurl can ever have.
3.I am a Sneakers addict.
4.I don't get influenced but do the influencing (in most cases though).
5.I am very naughty *big grin*.
6.I look like my mum.
7.I respect and value women a lot because i believe they where created to be loved and cared for.

Okay,having brought you closer to me,lemme give you a list of recent blogs i really dig;

I just started this blog this year and i already have two awards,it's good to know it is appreciated and so i'm gonna make sure i keep up the work.Thank you all!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Happilly never after

On a calm bright evening of January 2001,i took a stroll to my usual hang-out,the then Impact Video Club in my estate.My friend Kingsley was the manager of the video club,his brother was the owner.I think i met her there or she came and met me,but i exchanged pleasantries with a full figured,dark-skinned,fluent speaking gurl of 5 ft 8 inches.Her name was Gail and we hit it off immediately and from then on we became very good friends and got closer to each other than members of our group.She was an awesome gurl that understood me so well,even better than my other friends.We had so much in common and we shared similar view on issues.We had five guys and three gurls in the group,always together.After meeting Gail,we spent most of our days together.I hadn't gained admission into the university at that time so i was always in my hangout with my group who were just like me.However,Gail was the only person who was in the university running a basic program.So sometimes when she has lectures,she goes to school,and so it'll just be the remaining members of the group and i.I got to know about Gail than any other person in the group and so also got to know she had a boyfriend,who i even met once.Unknown to me,Gail's feelings towards me changed from that shown by a friend to that shown by a lover,but i was blind to it.However,because of the way we were,even our group at one time were suspecting we had something but we denied it till they realized we really didn't have anything.Looking back now,i know why they felt that way because we mostly held hands while walking,she mostly puts her head on my shoulder when we're seated or puts her head on my laps when she's lying down.Meanwhile i was told by my friends that she had feelings for me,but i disagreed saying she just had normal friendly feelings.

However,at the same time Gail was falling in love with me,i was busy falling in love with my friend's cousin and even told her about it (she later confessed the pain i put her through telling her about my feelings for someone else).However,the feeling i had for that gurl was not mutual in the least,so nothing happened.Gail and i continued being friends and everybody in her family even got to know who i was even though i never met them because she always talked about me.

Things changed in 2005 however when i also started developing feelings for her,four years after she had feelings for me.I tried concealing it but at a point,i almost choked on the feelings so i had to express it.That was when i received the shock of my life."I had feelings for you long ago,but you were busy falling in love with someone else so i had to suppress my feelings.And now,i really don't know" were Gail's words to me.That was her own way of saying 'No Vacancy'.At that point,i just felt like looking for a whip to use on my dumb self.All this while she's been in love with me and i'd been blind and loving someone else.Anyway,we were still friends and it was hard for me because i was crazy about this gurl.All of a sudden,i realized she had every single thing i wanted from a woman.Smart,intelligent,a great sense of humour,naughty,pretty,a very beautiful smile,nice,caring and to crown it all up,a very good cook.How the hell did i manage to be blind to her feelings? I kept asking myself.Well,we were living life as friends and it was a bit easier because at that time i had gained admission into the university.Sometimes we don't communicate for long periods of time and when we do,it was always awesome.We get mad at ourselves lots of times for various reasons,but we just didn't stay that way for long.She did stuff that made me very angry and decide not to communicate with her,but it never lasts because i always end up missing her terribly.At a point however,my feelings got the better part of me and i just couldn't hold it so i told her i we couldn't be friends anymore because i was in love with her.She tried convincing me to suppress it,but i refused to be convinced and told her to stop every form of communication.She obliged without a promise to keep to it though.But that also didn't last as i started missing her as usual.We continue our friendship but everything changed in December 2010...To be continued!

This story is actually my own love story and it's about the Ex that i refuse to talk about.I dedicate it to BSNC who has always poked me for the this gist,your gist is finally here dear.Her name changed sha,but every other thing dey as e dey.And i'm not a writer so manage the way i relate the story...hehehehehe.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Cleaning out my closet

I presume your weekends were great cos i had a very lovely one even though i spent it indoors.And on sunday,i had maximum fun in God's presence with Frank Edwards taking praise and worship for a few minutes (was told the guy was small,but never anticipated he'd be that small).Anyways,the weekend was just awesome sha.

My closet has been very dirty these few months and thus needed serious cleaning...I don't mean that literally in case you're confused or something.I had a very heart breaking breakup last year that dragged into this year somehow (that's a story for another day) and somehow,i changed from the kind of person i used to be.In my defense,it was in a bid to forget stuff.I know some of you might be tempted to judge me after reading this post,but don't bother cos i already did that on your behalves.

I am generally a very nice person (Eh ehn,what?! Can't i blow my own trumpet every once in a while?!).On the real though,i actually am nice based on the feedback i've gotten from friends and acquaintances.But i get like twice nice when it has to do with women.To me,they were created to be loved and cared for,thus my sentiment.I'm not a saint,but i really try to do right by my gurls.I mostly don't cheat on them (true story) and i always made sure i listen to them and give them all the time they desire and i can give.However,all those changed when i had that very terrible breakup.The breakup was terrible because i could have sworn i had found my wife,you know,my soul mate (since i now know it does exist).Anyways,i became a very different person (though i managed to still be nice and caring)...I became what i criticized! Work was always pressing so i didn't go out much,but i was always on the internet.There's this phone app i had on my phone that allows for meeting people and chatting and that app helped turn me into a 'terrible person'.The gurls first go to my profile and when they see my pix they always wanna chat.And when we chat they mostly fall (Let's just say i am good with words) and the next thing is they wanna be by my side.Between December 2010 and February this year,i got involved with five gurls minus the two that were there before the app as standbys (Don't bother judging me,i've done that already).However,these gurls would swear i am nice,caring and loving,but knowing the kind of person i ordinarily am,i was plain heartless! I called often,listened often,make them feel special,but then again,a hawk pays attention to it's prey doesn't it? I toyed with seven hearts (I'm ashamed of it now so drop that judging attitude abeg,wetin?!) for over a month till i met someone.She was among the seven hearts but proved to be different from the other six and thus she won the highest percentage of my attention.

However,i still had these other six because i was still  doing my study (I do that before going into any serious relationship) on her for you-know-what reasons.She proved to be different,like i said before and so as a result,i told myself it was time to return back to my old self.This person made me take a look at my closet and i realize how dirty and unkempt it was and knew i had to do some cleaning.I started doing the right thing,i started letting the numerous gurls go (Of course they felt i had broken their hearts,not knowing i was just saving them from impending excruciating pains).I used the last two weeks in the month of February to do this and so officially this month,i am left with just one gurl (Really,lucky her!...hehehehehehe).Although i am still in the studying stage and very much sane still...if you know what i mean...I just knew if i wanted my closet to smell fresh and look nice,then it should be cleaned.In other words,i knew if i wanted to accommodate 'Love',i need to create an atmosphere it can thrive in.That is what i have done and i am proud of it! Have a nice day people and just remember as humans we're liable to making mistakes,but we also should know that realizing them and making amends is what makes the difference.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

It is alright to be selfish...somtimes

I'm almost sure your parents told you selfishness was bad and a terrible thing while you were growing up.Well,they told you that because at that time,that's exactly what you should know.I mean,that was what you should know because you were young didn't exactly have a good sense of judgment.However,your parents knew that as you grow older,you'd get to know that selfishness isn't always a bad thing.If you don't understand this,then the next time you're with either of your parents,tell them you don't want to be their kid anymore because you just saw a couple who are childless and you want to be their adopted child...You go see how your mama go shout or how your papa go look you like say you don dey do drugs.

Selfishness isn't always a bad thing,sadly i realized quite late and missed a few things.For instance,i had someone i was madly in love with but didn't bother letting her know about it because i didn't want to spoil her relationship at that time (annoyingly enough she was equally in love with me but was scared of being rejected).I did that simply because i didn't want to be selfish.I wanted her to be happy even though it meant me dying in silence.Meanwhile if i had been just a little bit selfish,i'd have let her know about my feelings and invariable get to know about hers.Although we ended up dating after like 7 years,but we missed a good number of times we'd have spent together.My point is this,selfishness is helpful sometimes and shouldn't be seen as a bad thing.But that doesn't mean it should be a regular or incessant thing.It should be timely,as other things.Remember the saying "There's time for everything",well,selfishness has it's time too.

Furthermore,we all have different levels of selfishness in us,doubting? I'm gonna break that down for you to understand.Do you always do something without first considering well WIIFM (What's In It For Me)? Do you realize you are happy when you make people happy? Now tell me how you think you'll feel if you give a very good gift to or do something for someone that hates you and would still hate you,you think you'd feel happy? Why do you think forgiveness is hard? The answer is SELFISHNESS! We love ourselves very much,trust me when i say that.Even though we do things to hurt ourselves,we still love ourselves very much.You hear people say they hate themselves,but yet the won't just commit suicide and reduce the number of people on earth...hehehehehe! You hear people say they do stuff and don't care if they get hurt,truth is they derive pleasure,satisfaction or excitement from such stuff.Even the people who are considered selfless are people who derive a measure of gain from their supposed selflessness.The next time you do something and consider yourself selfless,analyze your feelings at that particular time,i'm sure you'll think a little less about being selfless.

Okay,lemme take this to the love angle (my favorite part *big grin*).You hear gurls (mostly) say stuffs like "Oooohh he's such a great guy,loving,caring and selfless".Yeah right! Loving,yes...Caring,yes...Great,yes...Selfless? Not entirely! He does all those stuff for you because when he sees you happy,he in turn gets very happy.The way you feel and react when he loves you has a resultant effect on him and that is the reason why he continues.Why do you think great guys suddenly change sometimes? Simple,they no longer derive that pleasure they usually derive.Breakups are initiated by selfishness! If you think say na lie,oya ask yourself why you went through with that breakup that you initiated.Our actions are guided by imperceptible selfishness.But the conspicuous form of selfishness is the one that requires timing.Do have a very nice day!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Is there such a thing as 'soul mates'?

I know i've been rambling on about love these few days,or maybe weeks.But don't mind me jare,i'm just getting ready to get married and settle down,boy don turn man...hehehehehehe! This topic is something that has been on my mind for some time now,SOUL MATES! There's this series is like watching; How I Met Your Mother.For those of you that know it,you should be familiar with the story line.But for the benefits of those who don't know it,it's the story of a guy (Ted Mosby) who was narrating how he met his wife to his children in a day-to-day manner.However,he isn't my focus.My focus is on Marshall and Lilly,lovers who are definitely what soul mates would be about (if there's anything like it sha o).They were just amazing.Marshall can talk to Lilly with his mind and she'll get every bit of what he said.She doesn't even need to look at him for this to happen.Lilly might be feeling pains and Marshall would be feeling it too.They can't go anywhere without each other,they can't sleep without each other,they can't do nothing without each other.The amazing thing is they were together for years,yet they didn't get tired of each other.Now that is what soul mates would mean if there was anything like it,is there? That was in the movies,but lots of things that happen in the movies are as real as lots of them are fictions.

However,i had something that was close to what Marshal and Lilly had in 'How I Met Your Mother'.We couldn't talk with our minds,we could manage to sleep without each other,we could go to the bathroom without each other.But we could read our minds.If we're talking on the phone,she can tell if something is on my mind even if i try to hide it.She knows what i want in most cases,she knows not to make me angry...But e end all thesame.So my questions are these; is there anything like soul mates? If there is,are soul mates supposed to part ways? It just get all confusing.Even in the mentioned series,at one point Marshall and Lilly broke up,though they eventually came back together and got married.Everybody always considered them soul mates (at least they ended up together).But i 'm sure there are people who were considered such who ended up apart.This is just what's been going through my eccentric mind.I would greatly appreciate answers cos i honestly don't know it all.Have a nice day people!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

You can't fight for love

I often hear people say if you love someone,you'd fight for them.They say things like love being worth fighting for and all that.Yeah,i understand their sentiments.I mean,we have people who fight for their 'god',even though their god ought to be strong enough to fight for himself (i know my own God is strong enough to fight for Himself).Back to the topic though!! There's this amazing movie i love so much,'A Walk To Remember'.There,love was considered kind,patient,compassionate,not boastful and not slothful.These things tells me love is indeed very strong and intense.

Lemme just put it to you directly and bluntly; You can't fight for love! You're too weak to fight for love.Love is too strong,too great,too intense to be fought for.If you find love,you won't beg to be called on the won't ask for words of won't beg for won't have to give your birthday won't have to ask for won't have to long to be shown won't have to introduce won't have to sit at home alone...valentine won't be the only time you're shown certainly won't be sacrificed for anything...Tell me,how can you fight for something as perfect as that? Love is such a strong force.It creates a kind of bond that even scientist can't explain.Those things you do when you're in love that you marvel at and you can't explain are all indications that love is stronger than anything you can think of.When you're really in love,you're not in control,but love controls you.That's why a grown up man would wake up in the middle of the night and go and stand in front of his girlfriend's window to scream "I love you" to wake her up (and of course her neighbors who definitely would feel like shooting the crazy dude).That's why you see a woman who used to be so hard,independent and all suddenly become so soft.That's why you see a guy everybody know to be a player suddenly become so responsible and emotional.If love wasn't such a strong force,all these wouldn't have been possible.It is love that takes control out of the hands of those that claim they are in control and make them do things that even they themselves awe at.There's this Mtn advert they used to show on TV where the guy woke up very early in the morning,called his gurlfriend and told her very sweet things and eventually asked her to step out into her balcony,there she saw the sun rising and he said "Babe,thanks for bringing sunshine into my life" and she cried "Ooohh Jerrrryyy".Mehn,very romantic! But a sane man would rather be on bed or getting set to go to work! hehehehehehe...I'm just saying!

On no circumstance should you fight for love.So,if you're in a relationship where you're doing any form of fighting,then the kind of love you deserve isn't there.If you are single simply because your partner sacrificed your love for anything (family or money or anything),then don't even think for a second that you did the wrong thing walking away.On the contrary,you just opened the door for that deserving person to come in.And when that person comes in,the person will damn all consequences to be with you,even if it means forsaking his or her family for you.If you're in a relationship and you're fighting with a guy to keep your gurl,or fighting with a gurl to keep you man,then you're definitely on the wrong track.Love won't even give a chance for competition.Love won't wanna see you frown,not to talk of cry.You could fight and end up losing your life and your partner would move on with his or her life.You could fight and in the end still lose your partner.Why put yourself through such ordeal?

Finally,a lot of us fight for love and don't even realize it.Are you always quarreling with your boyfriend or gurlfriend about a particular person you feel threatened about? You're fighting for love! Are you begging him or her to allow you people work things out? You're fighting for love! Are you always crying or frowning in your present relationship? You're fighting for love! Are you tired or your relationship but thinking about all you've put into it? You're fighting for love! Love won't ever give the opportunity to beg to work things out,it would always allow things to get worked out.Love won't allow you to complain about a certain someone you feel threatened about,it'll sacrifice that person for you.Love won't allow you cry or frown,it'll find out the reason and put an end to the tears or frown.Love won't give you the opportunity to get tired and start thinking of all you've put in the relationship,it'll make you so happy that you'll never put into cognizance what you've put in the relationship.Love is is is is is is is soft...LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL! Above all,love will always find a way.You can never fight for love,not in this life,nor in the next,or the one after that.It is just too strong and mighty a thing to fight for! Have a pleasant day people!